Summer of ’99 and it was my first summer living and working away from home. The excitement of meeting all of these new friends and partying with no parents around was a dream. There was a BUT, I had to go on the pill incase there was this one night of madness and I would get pregnant. Little did I know 14years later my life going off contraception would change forever but not in the way I wanted.
January 2013 my partner and I decided it was time to remove the implanon we were ready to take the risk and become parents 9months later. Well thats what we thought.
Very naive at what we were doing the excitement and novelty of it all kicked in and we had fun. Four months later I woke up one Sunday morning the sun was shining so I took a stroll to the shops to get dinner and found myself wondering into the chemist browsing two minutes later walked out with a 3 pack of pregnancy tests just like it was a bar of chocolate. I was so clueless to it all I even managed to do the test wrong and got an error message I was sure these tests were fool proof. After taking the second test and walking off there was an extra line what did this mean? Were we going to be parents? No big deal we both laughed and continues on with our day so my partner went to golf and I had coffee with a girlfriend.
For 2 weeks after I continued to take tests watching the numbers increase on the digitals and the lines get darker. I joined the main online group “Baby Centre” , I spent every minute talking to random girls as clueless as I was back then. So I started up a private facebook group on Perth as we would all be parents together in February 2014 so I thought.
We booked the doctor and within minutes he had forms faxed to the hospital to book the Perth and planned the 10 week bloods and 12 week scan. We both sat there taking all the information in but really all that went round my head was I am going to be a mother.
This is all way too simple and straight forward..
As the next 6 weeks went by symptoms kicked in, all i wanted to eat was toast and chocolate. I was so excited so telling close girlfriends the big news as I knew they would see straight through my lies as i would be off the booze.
Each day girls dropped off the facebook group by miscarrying, I couldnt get my head around how this happens. They were pregnant just like me. There was a few of us who had a special connection from the start and became like besties instantly.
Then it was my turn, I woke up one Monday morning at nearly 10weeks with a knot in my stomach not feeling right and went to the toilet and from that moment on my life had changed, I was a failure. I rang my partner explaining i was at emergency and they took bloods and did a scan confirming the baby had stopped growing at 5weeks 6days and my hcg had dropped. I was numb half of thing lingo meant nothing to me, was this the end of my journey? Then before I could get my head around it I was booked in for D&C surgery the morning after and told to fast.
That night I lay in bed crying and feeling empty I had no idea what to expect or what was happening, this was all very new to us both. That morning we were greated by the doctors to explain the surgery ans given tablets to bring on the process over the next 2 hours bringing on dull pains and cramps in which the nurses would control with a heatpack and painkillers. I will never forget to this day been in the room surrounded by bout 10 other women and their partners. There was a mix of different colour wrist bands. Some were red obviously meaning for the misfortunate ones losing their babies while the others sat there with big bellies and smiles waiting for their bundles of joy. Pfttt was this right us all in the same room.
As my name was called I could see the fear and pity on my partners face he was told to come back in 3hours. I was wheeled into the theatre room drugged up while all i remember next was waking up in pain while hearing a new born baby beside me, the torture and heartache I will never forget. The nurse held my hand as I couldnt control my tears and heartache. How could this be the health system. I was so drowsy from the tablets I was falling in and out of sleep. My partner sat there holding my hand as I kept crying and apologising for been such a failure. After a few hours I was sent home to recover both physically and mentally.
This happens to 1 in every 3 girls it is just hard luck.
Little did I know at the time it was just the start of a very long heartbreaking journey.
To be continued….